Long John Silver

Triumph Saint Motorcycle

 

Back in the 1970s when I was a freshly minted Traffic Patrol officer, I had the pleasure of eventually riding a Triumph Saint motorcycle after being broken in on a Triumph Thunderbird. A great machine with only one or two foibles, but still good fun.

One day at the end of my daytime shift I returned home to my wife and newly minted sprog. Nothing much had happened that day and my brain had had little to occupy it, so as I took off my uniform and changed into ‘civvies’ I told her a tale. Went something like this.

“Guess what happened today love?”

“Go on, tell.”

“I was riding along Manchester Road in Rochdale when I came up behind a rather nice Rolls Royce. I followed it for a time and then went to overtake it and glanced into the drivers seat. Guess who was driving it”

“No idea.”

“Richard Attenborough the film director.”

“No!”

“Yes. So I had to pull him over and have a chat.”

“We talked about Police stuff for a bit and the films he had been in and was making and then out of the blue he suddenly said, ‘If you want, I can put you in the next film I am going to make. I think you’ll be pretty good.’”

“Well,” I said to my wife. “I don’t know about that. I’ve got a good job here and don’t want to throw it over for a film that lasts a few months.”

“That’s not a problem,” he says, “I can guarantee you four more films after this one.
So if you do alright in those then you will have a lot of exposure in the industry and can make your own way in the future.”

“So I thought about it for a minute or two and finally said to him, What’s the film?”

“It’s a remake of Treasure Island. I think you would do very well in the lead part of Long John Silver.”

“So I jokingly said, But I don’t have a parrot of my own!”

“ He laughed and said, Don’t worry, we’ll fix you up with a good one. There is only one thing though which might cause a problem.”

“What’s that I asked”

“You have to have your left leg removed.”

My wife thought about it for two or three seconds before hitting me.